Hello all my adoring fans! I am so sorry that I have neglected you!! I guess after I finishes chemo I just wanted to forget about anything to do with cancer and Bob inparticular. This is not to say that there has been nothing to write about. Au contrare (yeah, I so don't know how to spell that!).
I recovered from chemo like normal and by Saturday April 30 I was feeling pretty good again, fueled by the thought that I never have to do this (chemo) again and that my uncle was visiting that night. I was in the shower getting ready when a wave of relief swept over me. It had finally hit me that the chemo was over. I cried and jumped up and down and screamed - all from joy. That night Rene and I went out with my uncle to dinner and a baseball game. I made the mistake however of having a cocktail, not just a glass of wine or anything either but a bonafide cocktail - bourbon! Suffice it to say Sunday I felt like shit again. That was a bit too soon I'd say.
Thursday we had an appointment to meet with the Radiation Oncologist, Dr. Linsen. A very nice guy (not much older than Rene & I) who studied Hodgkin's Lymphoma extensively at Harvard. Not a bad guy to have on my team. Mom had been the head of my research department (as I just couldn't bring myself to read about cancer anymore) and had found several article dispelling the need for radiation and it's associated risks. We had a long two hour meeting with Dr. Linsen and leraned alot about the odds with & without radiation. On one hand the radiation gives me a better chance that the Hodgkin's won't come back but there is the risk of secondary cancers; but without the radiation I run the chance of Bob coming back. We met with my Oncologist, Dr. Adler, on Friday and talked over everything with him. He said he would do some more research and confer with Dr. Linsen and get back to me.
Friday mom went home and I found myself at work until 8pm. I think I needed the distraction from anything reminding me of my choice I had to make, including Rene. Saturday Rene's family came over (we haven't seen them since before my diagnosis) and had a very nice time catching up. I was utterly exhausted when they left and didn't get off the sofa until bedtime. Sunday (mamma's day) Rene & I took our bikes to a nearby lake and I rode for 6 miles. Afterwards Rene fished (no, he didn't catch anything) while I sat and read. It was so nice to feel alive again.
Today Dr. Adler called to give me his final answer on what to do next. I'll be honest, by this time I had almost totally resigned myself to the idea that I could just call it quits. He came back and said that basically I either had to do the radiation or I had to do two more cycles (4 treatments) of chemotherapy. Those are my only options - I can't stop now. I really just wanted this to be over with. Radiation is going to be a cakewalk compared to chemo but I just wanted to put this behind me. I think I knew Dr. Adler was going to say that but I was in denial. The fact that I CANNOT do anymore chemo makes my choice obvious. I'll do the radiation and take my chances that I will not incur a secondary cancer.
Other than this emotional rollercoaster that I've been on, my gas/heartburn/stomach ache crap hasn't ceased at all. I'm still experimenting with what I can & cannot eat & drink. My fingernails are almost all the way off on both my thumbs and half of my fingers. I've also developed some sort of infection under them that oozes stinky green goop (NOT GOOD). I have an appointment with the dermatologist tomorrow for that. Also my Oncologist says that since I've chosen to have radiation (as opposed to more chemo) that I can have my port removed - yippee!! I'm so ready for this alien device to get out of my chest!!
Sarah & Maureen, just hold on a little longer! The fight is not over for me but the chemo is and that is a beautiful place to be. My heart goes out to you both. I can't wait until we all put this behind us and get to dance and sing with our healthy bodies. My heart and love goes out to you both as you finish your treatments.
To my friends and family...thank you so much for keeping vigil for me. I truly could not have made it through chemo without your love and support! I just can't say that enough!!
Rene, you are my hero!
Monday, May 09, 2005
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3 comments:
Heather, thanks for the post about life after chemo! I opted from the very beginning to have twelve chemos instead of eight and radiation and although I think it was the right decision for me (Stage IIIa) I won't say there haven't been many times where I haven't wished I'd gone the other way.
But a six mile bike ride! Normal life! It sounds soooo good!
hey feather......Maybe radiation is the way to ease you back into a normal life instead of fast-forwarding you to one. I'm visualizing those rays as the soldiers doing the clean up work. We'll figure out some good smoothies for you too. Don't worry, you're climbing out of the hole, slowly but surely. Love you lots!
mama
I miss you sister, sorry I missed your call regarding Jack I tried to call you back, however, I had to leave a message. We will miss him too. Hope all is well, call me on your next radio visit, I could meet you if you want. You know you are welcome to come sleep over. Candace and Alyssa are coming in on Friday late afternoon, Candace is driving for the first time. The only plans we have are on Sunday, we are going to some friends of ours for a party. Lets get together!!! Love you major, Deedra, Raul and Chad
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