R.I.P.

Today we said goodbye to a member of our family, Jack The Dog.
Just before all of this Hodgkins stuff came into our lives we brought home the most incredible animal. We found him at the San Diego Humane Society just waiting for us to take him home. They told us that Jack had been through a tough life. When he came to the shelter he was severely depressed and had a lot of medical issues. While the shelter brought him back to health, they discovered that along with his mistreatment he had BB's inside him evidently from being shot. Jack had a hard life before we met him, but the moment we did he was instantly in our hearts. Jack loved our home, defended his little sister at the beach from larger dogs, and was in love with our cat Sophia. On occasion, they would get friendly and she would give him a little peck. He was a true San Diegan, he love laying out in the sun taking in the rays, and going to the beach. When Jack first came to our home he rarely smiled, but after a little time and a lot of love, Jack wore a smile from ear to ear. He had a knack for always being right in the way of where you were going, or plopping down right in the middle of the room for a nap. Though our time with Jack was brief, he showed compassion to our situation and was always quick to give the love we so cherish from him. Jack was the best dog anyone could ask for. He will always have a place in our hearts. So long Jack...

32) I'm so sorry I haven't posted!!!

Hello all my adoring fans! I am so sorry that I have neglected you!! I guess after I finishes chemo I just wanted to forget about anything to do with cancer and Bob inparticular. This is not to say that there has been nothing to write about. Au contrare (yeah, I so don't know how to spell that!).

I recovered from chemo like normal and by Saturday April 30 I was feeling pretty good again, fueled by the thought that I never have to do this (chemo) again and that my uncle was visiting that night. I was in the shower getting ready when a wave of relief swept over me. It had finally hit me that the chemo was over. I cried and jumped up and down and screamed - all from joy. That night Rene and I went out with my uncle to dinner and a baseball game. I made the mistake however of having a cocktail, not just a glass of wine or anything either but a bonafide cocktail - bourbon! Suffice it to say Sunday I felt like shit again. That was a bit too soon I'd say.

Thursday we had an appointment to meet with the Radiation Oncologist, Dr. Linsen. A very nice guy (not much older than Rene & I) who studied Hodgkin's Lymphoma extensively at Harvard. Not a bad guy to have on my team. Mom had been the head of my research department (as I just couldn't bring myself to read about cancer anymore) and had found several article dispelling the need for radiation and it's associated risks. We had a long two hour meeting with Dr. Linsen and leraned alot about the odds with & without radiation. On one hand the radiation gives me a better chance that the Hodgkin's won't come back but there is the risk of secondary cancers; but without the radiation I run the chance of Bob coming back. We met with my Oncologist, Dr. Adler, on Friday and talked over everything with him. He said he would do some more research and confer with Dr. Linsen and get back to me.

Friday mom went home and I found myself at work until 8pm. I think I needed the distraction from anything reminding me of my choice I had to make, including Rene. Saturday Rene's family came over (we haven't seen them since before my diagnosis) and had a very nice time catching up. I was utterly exhausted when they left and didn't get off the sofa until bedtime. Sunday (mamma's day) Rene & I took our bikes to a nearby lake and I rode for 6 miles. Afterwards Rene fished (no, he didn't catch anything) while I sat and read. It was so nice to feel alive again.

Today Dr. Adler called to give me his final answer on what to do next. I'll be honest, by this time I had almost totally resigned myself to the idea that I could just call it quits. He came back and said that basically I either had to do the radiation or I had to do two more cycles (4 treatments) of chemotherapy. Those are my only options - I can't stop now. I really just wanted this to be over with. Radiation is going to be a cakewalk compared to chemo but I just wanted to put this behind me. I think I knew Dr. Adler was going to say that but I was in denial. The fact that I CANNOT do anymore chemo makes my choice obvious. I'll do the radiation and take my chances that I will not incur a secondary cancer.

Other than this emotional rollercoaster that I've been on, my gas/heartburn/stomach ache crap hasn't ceased at all. I'm still experimenting with what I can & cannot eat & drink. My fingernails are almost all the way off on both my thumbs and half of my fingers. I've also developed some sort of infection under them that oozes stinky green goop (NOT GOOD). I have an appointment with the dermatologist tomorrow for that. Also my Oncologist says that since I've chosen to have radiation (as opposed to more chemo) that I can have my port removed - yippee!! I'm so ready for this alien device to get out of my chest!!

Sarah & Maureen, just hold on a little longer! The fight is not over for me but the chemo is and that is a beautiful place to be. My heart goes out to you both. I can't wait until we all put this behind us and get to dance and sing with our healthy bodies. My heart and love goes out to you both as you finish your treatments.

To my friends and family...thank you so much for keeping vigil for me. I truly could not have made it through chemo without your love and support! I just can't say that enough!!

Rene, you are my hero!