26) #6 is in the past - I see the morning light

Sorry its been so long since my last post. Frankly it gets kind of boring saying the same things: nauseaus, weak, bone pain, can't sleep, can't poop, blah, blah, blah.

This treatment did go quite a bit better than we had anticipated though. My WBC was pretty good (9.9) going into chemo. I had been getting a rash during my last down time which ended up really flaring up right before chemo. Patty (my NP) thought that there could be 2 things happening a) a food allergy (not surprised as I have had this before and b) maybe shingles. She referred me to a dermatologist but now that I'm feeling well enough to make that appointment my rashes are all gone. Isn't that how it works?

I've missed a lot of work this treatment but I needed to for the better good of my treatment. I got a good solid 6 hours of sleep last night with the help of ativan & ambien. Hopefully my bone pain will be all but gone throughout the day and I can actually be a productive part of my employment.

I have an appointment on Thursday for a PET/CT scan to re-stage my cancer. I guess its the latest technology that combines a PET scan and a CT scan to reduce the time in half. I have a feeling its going to be a long week until thursday. Then we find out the results the following Tuesday - DDay! Thank god I'll have the taxes to do that weekend to keep my mind off of the wait. I'll keep you all posted as I know more info.

For now I'm just trying to be me the best I remember :)

25) Ahhhh, sleep!

I actually got 8 hours of sleep last night. That is the first time in quite a while! It took lots of stomach meds, 10mg of Ambien, a heating pad, and Rene sleeping in the other room - but I got it!

Today marks my 5th day at work in a row, so I'm feeling pretty good about my contribution. I'm utterly exhausted at the end of the day (in fact, Rene had to pick me up last night) but the fact that I've made it everday feels really good.

I've been struggling with cramping all week and nothing really takes it away. I have a ever expanding rash all over my hands and a spot on my shoulder & stomach. Chemo is just so weird how it affects the body. I'm not looking forward to my second part of cycle 3 next week but at least after that I will 75% done with it all.

I'm getting REALLY bored with cancer, chemo, my body not feeling good, and this whole part of my life and I'm ready for the next step. Hope everyone is doing good.

24) Chemo #5 has left the building!

5 down, 3 to go.

This one, so far, has not been too bad. I went in to get my nuelasta shot today and a big bag of hydration w/ a kick of ativan. I was able to actually eat lunch afterwards, too.

Tomorrow the bone pain should kick in and I think my period might be coming again. In the words of my faithful leader, Dr. Adler, "Neat." I guess it is good that my reproductive system is still functioning normally for babies and whatnot.

Mom & Aunt Joan are coming tomorrow to visit for a couple of days. My mom has been in Mexico for the past month, through my worst treatment. I have some issues about her even going in the first place, but if she had to go at all, why so long.

Everything happens for a reason though and in this regard not having my mother around helped bring Rene and I closer together. He is THE most amazing companion I could have ever ended up with. He loves me so unconditionally and he has really stepped up to the proverbial plate to take care of me in my most neediest of times. He has shown such amazing strength and courage through all of this and I am so thankful to him.

So I'm staying on top of the constipation so far. Lets hope and pray I can continue to be the master of my bowels throughout this next week. If I can stay ahead of this then maybe I can actually have a life next week instead of living in hell like last time.

23) This has been the hardest treatment!

Sorry to everyone whom I haven't returned phone calls to or emailed. This, by far, has been the hardest treatment.

I have been plagued with nauseau and constipation for over a week. I practically lived at my cancer center all week getting fluids and anti-nauseau cocktails. I don't know what I would do without the love and support of those nurses. Thank you so much to all of you: Annie, Theresa, AJ, Patty, and Rachael (hope you like the book). You all give me such strength when I don't have any left.

I missed work all week, which kills me! My damn work ethic is driving my guilt levels through the roof. In fact I left my car at work on Tuesday and haven't seen it since.

I'm finally feeling at least alive today, which is a huge improvement. But I'm still experiencing extreme cramping so I'm pretty house bound. I'm hoping by tomorrow I can at least go pick up my car at work.

I feel like I've lost my sense of humor about Bob, now I'm just mad! I will fight this! I cannot live like this forever. Bob will be dead by summer - end of discussion!