Half way into radiation...

So since our last post & the passing of our dog many things have happened. When I left off, I had just decided that I would in fact do the radiation as I was given the ultimatum to either go through with it or do more chemo - no thanks!

The following week I went in to have CT scans and set up my radiation. I had no idea what i was in for. They create this mask for people getting head/neck radiation that totally immobilizes you. It starts out as warm, wet, stretchy mesh that is stretched over your face & head and left to cool and eventually harden to a hard plastic. I remained in this mask for the duration of my scans & set up - over an hour! There were a few moments of panic but I remained calm, that is until the technician took the mask off and I totally freaked. I didn't realize just how scary it was until it was over. They also gave me two pin prick tattoos (nothing elaborate) on my neck & chest. They say they look like black freckles but I say they look more like black heads - gross!

The next week, the day after Jack died I had minor surgery to have my port removed. That was creepy because I was awake during the whole thing. They cleaned it all up for me and sent me home with it. Its a trip to think that thing was inside me. You can see all the holes from the needles poking into it.

The next day after that I officially started my radiation. I had to come in during the middle of the day (may I remind you that my radiation doctor is located an hour from home and 30 minutes from work) and have xrays taken - in the mask. Once again I was in the mask for over 30 minutes. I was a total freak this time. I didn't think I could talk and I certainly couldn't move so I started to really panic everytime the technicians left the room. I felt like I was being held against my will. I started flailling my arms and trying to make some noise so someone would notice me. they finally ran in and took the mask off. I was sobbing uncontrollbly. The next two days of radiation were pretty much the same story. I asked the technicians (Julie & Cody) if they could play music for me and talk to me at all times so I knew I wasn't alone. By Monday the next week I learned that I could talk a little in my mask and that has helped so much with my panic attacks. Suffice it to say I feel like I start my day each morning on Fear Factor and radiation has taken far more courage than chemo ever did. I had Cody take some pictures of me on the table & in my mask so I will post those as soon as I have some time.

Last weekend we got a little reprieve and went up to the bay area for my sister's college graduation. We had a really nice time visting with family and spent Sunday with my sister & her husband wine tasting in Napa Valley.

Back to work these days, I've been working past 7pm for the last two weeks. It feels good to be busy again but I feel like I'm running out of steam.

This weekend is the Rock'n'Roll Marathon and the family comes in on Friday. Its going to be fun trying to get 11 people around all weekend but we'll figure it out. Rene's been working on getting the house party/company worthy. The backyard is like a whole other living space, its beautiful!

That's all for now. Hope everyone is doing well! My hair is starting to grow back and I only have 11 more radiations to go...things are looking up :)