So since our last post & the passing of our dog many things have happened. When I left off, I had just decided that I would in fact do the radiation as I was given the ultimatum to either go through with it or do more chemo - no thanks!
The following week I went in to have CT scans and set up my radiation. I had no idea what i was in for. They create this mask for people getting head/neck radiation that totally immobilizes you. It starts out as warm, wet, stretchy mesh that is stretched over your face & head and left to cool and eventually harden to a hard plastic. I remained in this mask for the duration of my scans & set up - over an hour! There were a few moments of panic but I remained calm, that is until the technician took the mask off and I totally freaked. I didn't realize just how scary it was until it was over. They also gave me two pin prick tattoos (nothing elaborate) on my neck & chest. They say they look like black freckles but I say they look more like black heads - gross!
The next week, the day after Jack died I had minor surgery to have my port removed. That was creepy because I was awake during the whole thing. They cleaned it all up for me and sent me home with it. Its a trip to think that thing was inside me. You can see all the holes from the needles poking into it.
The next day after that I officially started my radiation. I had to come in during the middle of the day (may I remind you that my radiation doctor is located an hour from home and 30 minutes from work) and have xrays taken - in the mask. Once again I was in the mask for over 30 minutes. I was a total freak this time. I didn't think I could talk and I certainly couldn't move so I started to really panic everytime the technicians left the room. I felt like I was being held against my will. I started flailling my arms and trying to make some noise so someone would notice me. they finally ran in and took the mask off. I was sobbing uncontrollbly. The next two days of radiation were pretty much the same story. I asked the technicians (Julie & Cody) if they could play music for me and talk to me at all times so I knew I wasn't alone. By Monday the next week I learned that I could talk a little in my mask and that has helped so much with my panic attacks. Suffice it to say I feel like I start my day each morning on Fear Factor and radiation has taken far more courage than chemo ever did. I had Cody take some pictures of me on the table & in my mask so I will post those as soon as I have some time.
Last weekend we got a little reprieve and went up to the bay area for my sister's college graduation. We had a really nice time visting with family and spent Sunday with my sister & her husband wine tasting in Napa Valley.
Back to work these days, I've been working past 7pm for the last two weeks. It feels good to be busy again but I feel like I'm running out of steam.
This weekend is the Rock'n'Roll Marathon and the family comes in on Friday. Its going to be fun trying to get 11 people around all weekend but we'll figure it out. Rene's been working on getting the house party/company worthy. The backyard is like a whole other living space, its beautiful!
That's all for now. Hope everyone is doing well! My hair is starting to grow back and I only have 11 more radiations to go...things are looking up :)
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
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8 comments:
Hi! You may not remember but you signed my blog back in January. I also have Hodgkin's, well I should say had! I'm also doing radiation now, but I have been in remission sice March. I know what you mean about the mask thing, its weird. When they were first getting me ready for radiation I felt a little claustrophobic with that thing on. Hope you are doing well!
Hi Baby Girl,
I haven't logged in very often, but I watch continuously. It is difficult to be upbeat happy, happy, when I feel so much sorrow for what you are enduring. It is crazy and unfair that this has happened to you, but I do know that at the end of all the treatments, you will be COMPLETELY well. I love you and think of you daily. Love Mama Sabatini
hey feather.......I just looked at the blog again; must be a good sign as I was logging on daily not that long ago! Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow night and being with you for the last of the treatments - we'll be breakin' out the champagne friday night!! We need to post some marathon photos - that was such an awesome experience and it was so touching how many people are committed to fighting this disease!
love you!
mama
Hello Heather,
Long time no talk, so I am caught up through June 1 and I am back in town. I hope you had fun rock n roll weekend with your family. I am sorry I missed seeing them, it has been so long. Did Sabrina come and visit? If so I am sure that was a good time too. I hope to see you again soon. I just got back late Sunday night so look out for my phone calls. Take care and hang in there, You've survived the chemo and once the radiation is over, BOB will be a distant memory. Hugs and kisses, Teri L.
Very happy to hear that you are almost done with your treatment. I hope you are feeling well. My mom said she had great time visiting with you and your family for Holly's graduation. Take good care =)
Telzey
Hey Heather P.
We had a great time down in San Diego for your 'got well' celebration party and the RnR marathon. Boy! that champagne you had at the party (both kinds) was delicious. Gary and I are going to the wine country to get some. You are looking so good and obviously on your way to a totally healthy state. I talked to Marianne (Tony's mom, the nurse) about the burning(?) feeling you get in your chest, especially when we were walking fast...she said that will go away for sure and you will be fine.
Take care HP and have fun with your mom this week. It's gotta be good knowing this is your last week of claustrophobia!
Love, (and hugs to Rene who was an awesome and entertaining chauffer for us.)
Aunt Joan
Great place you have here Heather, I know too well about the trials of cancer, I was diagnosed in 1998 with breast cancer but unfortunately for me it has since spread to my bones, liver and lungs OH JOY!!!!! But I keep kicking butt with the help of chemo and rads.. Once your treatments done, hope you stay in remission forever~ *hugs*
i am sitting here bawling cause i had no idea what you were going through. i have been so wrapped up in my own crap that it makes me sick. i dont have your number. please call and leave it with my parents or call 480-430-4248. i love you and miss you. i know that you have been having treatments but it sounds even scarier now. i wish i was there. please call stephanie
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