22) Half Way Point!

So despite feeling rather crappy up until Tusday this week, I'm at a great place.
We had a meeting/follow-up with Dr. Adler on Tuesday and he was extremely encouraged by by consistantly normal ranged white blood cell counts. He even made mention that he thought at this point the cancer was most likely gone and that we would confirm that with CT Scan & PET Scan after my 3rd cycle. Naturally that was amazing news to here from an experience oncologist. I was just telling Deedra (my SIL) on Saturday that my gut told me it was gone. Weird. So naturally I'm happy about this but it doesn't make chemo any easier, maybe even harder - emotionally that it.

I had chemo #4 yesterday which makes me half way through (Sorry, Sarah I guess I'm a small step ahead of you). It was my hardest time with it too. On my first port access attempt they couldn't get any blood out of me, which was odd. They moved it around a lot but nothing. So another nurse had to come in try again. This time it worked - thank god! I got pretty naseaus while I was there and turned white as a ghost. They gave me some benadryl & more ativan and that made me really sleepy. Rene & Holly both went with me to treatment. They both got massages while there and right when I was feeling a little jealous another massage therapist cam in and gave me an amazing foot massage. After all we eneded up being there for almost 5 hours. I pretty much fought the naseau all night. Took my meds and Holly climbed in bed with me to rub my back and talk while I cried a little. She was exctly what I needed - so gentle! Thank you Holly!

On the way to the cancer center yesterday our car broke down too. Rene was gone during most of treatment trying to get that fixed - turns out its going to cost about $1100. Yeah cause we need that right now.

Feeling nauseau again today but we're going to try to take a walk before having to go up for me Nuelasta shot late afternoon. Bring on the pain meds!!

21) Starting the up swing...finally

So this week has been kind of a struggle. I've been plagued by gastrointestinal madness. I went in to do my weekly blood work on thursday and ended up talking with a Marraige & Family Therapist at the cancer center. She was awesome and I was shocked at how much I really do need someone to talk to. She thought some couples sessions with Rene & I was really mandatory too, so hopefully we'll be seeing her together next week. My blood work was pretty much the same but I made an appointment to see Patty the NP for my GI stuff the following day. Thursday night I had the absolutelt worst night of sleep. My stomach was aching so bad all night I tossed and turned, looking at the clock at almost hour intervals. Needless to say, Friday I woke up feeling like shit. Rene drove me to the center for my appt with Patty. I talked with her about everything and what meds I can try to relieve this discomfort now and next time. I have also developed a rash in the shape of a small round band-aid right where the small round band-aid covered up my nuelasta shot last friday. She wasn't quite sure about that but suggested that I not get a band-aid next time and see what happens. But, on the way home I started to notice the same type of rash creeping up on my fingers, specifically on my knuckles. Its itchy! I hate itchy!! I pretty much felt like shit the rest of the day. Took a nap for a while and then watched tv. Rene and I went to see a movie just before the dinner crowd. He was worried I wouldn't make it through, but I managed. We saw "Million Dollar Baby" and it was so moving! It took everything inside of me not to make sobbing sounds while I cried. I know I wasn't alone because I distinctly heard someone else slip with their sobs. I was all for Jamie Foxx winning the oscar but if Clint takes it I won't be disappointed. That's about all for now. Hopefully over the next couple of days I will be feeling back to my old self.

20) Happy Valentine's Day

So this time around has been sooooo much better than my previous treatments.
For starters, last thursday was chemo day. Rene and I brought the laptop so we could watch a movie (Half Baked) and we eneded up laughing our way through treatment. I didn't even realize I was getting medicated. Treatment was a breeze, in and out in 3 hours. Mom showed up that night and we went out to chineese food (of course I only had rice & cream cheese wontons).

Friday I went in for my nuelasta shot and stayed for a few hours to get some hydration and ativan. I was feeling much better by the time we got through all the rush hour traffic and got home.

Saturday I woke up aching all over. Even my boobs were hurting - I don't get it - I don't have bones in my boobs! It even hurt to get a hug. I felt like a kind of comic book character or X-men whose mutation was that they couldn't have touch. It really kind of sucked but as long as I wasn't touching anything I felt fine. I seemed to eat pretty regularly all day too.

Sunday I was craving a salad from CPK so we went to the mall. Sure enough, the salad totally hit the spot. We shopped for a little bit and then went to the beach. We saw a $3.6 million open house and decided to take a look. It was so cool - I love doing that kind of stuff and so does mom. Rene was probably a little embarrassed but oh well, when else do you get to see the inside of a house like that? On the way home I just about passed out in the car. By the time we got home I could barely function. I layed on the sofa and passed out COLD for almost 2 hours. The whole weekend I started to get this mouth thing happening. It felt like a combo of pain and tingling and numbness running down my tongue. It was pretty miserable but tolerable since that and fatigue were all I was feeling. Mom left last night and is now in Mexico for the next 4 weeks (yikes). I found out that my mouth thing is thrush (a yeast infection of the mouth) and I got some meds that are already working.

I went to work today but was pretty exhausted by the time I got home. Rene got me some beautiful stargazer lilies and made me a the yummiest macaroni & cheese from scratch. All while I took an amazing bath with candles and my book. I took an ativan & vicodine and watched fear factor - it was a good night. I've been pretty constipated since treatment but am hoping to relieve that with some Phillip's tonight.

To make a long story short...I'm dealing. No ups, no downs, just dealing.

19) Free Cookies

Free cookies for those with cancer! I was at the mall yesterday waiting for my pretzel and the lady from Mrs. Field's gave me two free cookies while I waited (the two shared a store). No one else got free cookies while they waited for their food. At first I felt a little awkward, like Maureen's "Cancer Lady", but then I decided to enjoy my cookies. I mean, shit, how often do you get free cookies in life? It wasn't the only special attention I got yesterday at the mall either. Everyone was so much nicer than I ever remember them being. Too bad cancer doesn't get you to the front of the line at Nordstrom Rack!

I know its been a week since I posted last so you're probably thnking that I've been pretty boring since then. Sort of. Tuesday I had a doctor's appointment (standard follow-up) and by the time I got there I was pretty nauseous and ended up puking my guts out. Two different nurses tried to access my port (for labs, meds, and fluids) three times unsuccessfully. They eventually just IVed my arm. I never did feel too much better though. Thursday I was struggling a bit by afternoon with dizziness, fatigue, and general discomfort. I had an apointment to have my wig fitted and cut. I felt much better after leaving the shop with my new hair, but by the time I got home in hour long traffic I was exhausted and uncomfortable again. Friday morning we had to be at the port doctor's for a port-check and possible replacement of my port - talk about stress! Turns out the doctor was able to access my port using a special xray camera in which I got to see on camera just how long the catherter is that runs from my port. He chalked up the unsuccessful attempts to user error. I still find that hard to believe but who knows. Just to be sure, they are going to access my port the morning of my next treatment so that I don't have to miss any treatments.

To sum it all up, I've been pretty depressed all week. I think its because of (among other obvious reasons) the fact that my brain power is so diminished and I feel like I'm a stoner now. Rene says I don't even articulate conversations anymore and I have really simplified my vocabulary. I guess its too much work to think. That is REALLY depressing to me! I've tried doing word puzzles and the like to keep my brain sharp, but I end up feeling like an idiot. Also, I have this constant discomfort/pain just below my breast. It feels like heartburn/indigestion/gas type stuff but none of my meds (prescription or OTC) seem to relieve it. Its not enough to call the doctor about since they've already told me that they can't take everything away, but it is enough to really make me feel down. I just want to feel normal again. And if all of that isn't enough annoying stuff...I'm starting to REALLY miss my hair! I thought I was cool with the no hair thing, but I'm pretty miserable about it. Not because of how people look at you but because of how freakin' hot (as in temperature) it is to constantly be wearing hats or a wig. I live in San Diego for cryin' out loud. Its spring/summer here year round. Its not like I'm completely bald either. It looks like I'm wearing a yamaka of hair stubble with this peach fuzz type blonde stuff everywhere else. Rene says if I shave it all bald I could sport it but I tend to think only supermodels can pull off a completely bald head. And a supermodel, I am not.

Well that's it for now, I'll be back in chemo land this thursday - whoopie!!