18) 5 pounds lighter & takin' charge

Here we go with the hair removal...


HOLY SHIT!!!


Maybe I could do this look?


Me & Rene (although he looks a little more Oingo Boingo).


Alright, I'll take it all off.


Here's the almost final me :) Aren't I gorgeous?!?!?!

Wig pictures to follow after Tuesday's fitting!!

17) Day 2 after Chemo...

Ok, so I'm relatively alive enough to post. Things went pretty well on thursday with my second treatment. My first of 4 cycles is now complete. My white blood cell count was really strong and I seemed to handle the chemo really well. I stayed on top of my anti-nauseau meds so I haven't really felt sick. Friday I got my Nuelasta shot but had predosed some Aleve so that didn't bother me too much. Today I am weakest but still so much better than last time. I've been dosing the Aleve and vicodine for my pain but I'm still a little achey. I have barely enough energy to catch up on all my emails and post here.

My mom and sister have been such godsends to Rene and I. We can't thank them enough for their generous and hard work. Yesterday before my shot, we stopped at a "boutique for women with cancer" and mom bought me a wig (sooooo generous of her!!). Its a Faye - color Cherry Glaze. Its so cute and so similar to my hair I've had for years. Tuesday I go in to have bangs cut into it. All of this couldn't have happened any sooner as my hair is now falling out in boat loads. Tomorrow night we're going to shave all my hair off and my darling husband says he's going to shave his head with me. I have to do a mohawk first though, just because I can!! I'll make sure to take pics of my punked out style and post it. I'll also post pics of the wigged out me once that gets fitted properly.

That's it for now...floating along in a vicodine trance. To Sarah and Maureen, I hope your treatments went well and you are getting all the love and support that you need! Thank you to everyone for all your love!!

16) 2 days until I leave for chemo land

So I have my next treatment on Thursday this week. I feel absolutely back to my old self today and its great!! But I feel like thursday I'm seeting sail for a trip to chemo land (aka. hell). Thank god my mom flies into town tomorrow night to help out, then Holly comes in on thursday night. I'm so excited to have them here. I noticed that having people around to talk to helped me feel better last time.

That's all for now. Hope everyone is thinking happy thoughts today :)

15) Everybody's working for the weekend...

Whooppie!! Its Friday and I actually feel the most normal I've felt since before chemo. Mild and very managable heratburn today. Period slowed also. Rene's working late tonight so I'm finishing things up at work and heading home to my doggies.

As for the past week...Tuesday night I ended up in the ER with excrutiating pain. They doped me up and sent me home to sleep it off. Wednesday I felt mildly better but was very tired and had to go to my final dentist appointment. Thursday was my blood work at the cancer center and an appointment with the NP. I cried a lot but got some really valuable support. My nurse, Rachael, took my blood and gave me meds (for red blood cell boost) all the while making me laugh and forget why I was there. I've decided to change all my chemo treatments to Thursdays since she doesn't work Fridays and I need her on my team.

I'm starting to get a grip on my workload and by doing a little work from home this weekend I should get myself caught up in time for chemo again.

Deedra (my sister-in-law) is coming over tomorrow to help me out around the house but I'll probably make us quit by lunch time so we can eat & maybe see a movie :)

Hope all my Hodgkin's friends are feeling as good as I am right now. The one thing we must not loose sight of is..."this too shall pass". Three days ago I thought I would never feel this good again.

14) When it rains, it pours

Last night I couldn't take it anymore. The pain in my diaphram was excrutiating and I was having EXTREME woman issues. Finally at about 10ish we went to the ER. They did a pelvic exam and for the second time in two years they ruled this "dysfunctional uterine bleeding" (aka unknown) but the doc thought it was probably caused by the chemo. They put me on an IV drip with some pain meds that knocked me out and we were home by 12:30 with no answers. I have nuclear gas (keep taking prevacid

13) I spoke too soon...

The morning started out great until about 9am. Then the heartburn was back. I finally called my doctor's office and they prescribed me some meds for that and also for pain & sleeping (for next treatment). I just took one of the heartburn meds so I hope that kicks in soon. I have my final dentist appointment tomorrow and blood work on Thursday. So I might not have too many updates after this.

12) If its not one thing...

So I took a vicodine before bed last night and had the best night sleep I've had since before chemo. I woke up fresh, happy, and most importantly pain-free!! But then I went to the bathroom and...I got my period! Are you kidding me?!?!?!? I have to believe that life only gives you what it knows you can handle. Today is another day and depsite Aunt Flow, I'm feeling much better!!

Everyone have a beautiful day!! Love & Kisses to you all!!

11) Aaaahhhh! Heartburn!!

Okay, so I'm having the most insane nuclear heartburn in the world!! Seriously, this is crazy. It has to have something to do with my bone pain in my chest because all my nausea is gone.

Today was pretty good for my first day back to work after chemo. I had a great appointment with my biopsy doctor. He gave me a hug as I left and wished me well. He told me he was even going to "check out my new doctor to make sure he was good enough for me." :)

Then I was off to work...it was an abnormal day at the office as there was a district meeting in house all day so it was a little distracting. No biggy. I got a good grasp on my projects and was welcomed back by my coworkers warmly.

My port has been bothering me the past couple of days, I think I'm going to call those folks tomorrow and have them take a look at it.

I also think I'm going to call my oncologist to ask about bone pain meds, better/different nausea meds (for next time), and most importantly some sleeping pills. I think that's why I'm struggling to get back to normal is that I'm not getting a good night's sleep. Tossing & turning sucks!

Thank you to everyone for posting and sending me your love! It means so much to me to see your kind words!!

10) New Temporary Haircut

My new hair cut...at least until it all falls out. Also, check out my adorable new PINK eyeglasses. They are so me!

9) Trial Monday failed!

Okay, so they wanted me to do my chemo on a Thursday in case I needed to see a doctor the day after, which I didn't. From here on out I was planning on switching my chemo days to Friday with the thought that by Monday I would be able to be back at work. So today is my trial Monday and it's much better than yesterday but a far cry from "chemo, what chemo?" I'm really tried and weak and my bones are achey. My hip bones are killing me. I feel like I'm 80 years old. None of these symptoms are from the chemo, they're from the white blood cell booster. Shit, can't I just eat a salad or something??? I'm still mildly nauseous but not enough to take woo-woo drugs over. I'd rather deal with the tummy and be awake than constantly in this chemo fog. I did a lot today...went to the store twice, took a bath, made my own lunch (huge step). Now I'm just waiting for the Golden Globes to start. Tomorrow I have a follow up with Dr. Kramer, my ENT surgeon, and then I go back to work. It will be nice to get out of the house.

8) Day Three - Cancer Sucks!

So the first night of chemo was a tragedy. I made a grave error in judgement that I hesitate to post... I gave into my big weakness and ate a huge piece of chocolate cake and paid for it all night. Suffice it to say I have sworn off chocolate cake FOREVER (but don't hold me to that once I'm all better).

Day two I woke up feeling pretty good. Rene and I took the dogs and went down to Balboa Park for an hour long walk. It felt so good. The sun was shining and the air was brisk. Man, San Diego is pretty awesome. We came back and I was able to eat a banana, an egg, and an english muffin. Then I pretty much sat around all day, then went next door to the Ryan's and told them about my predicament. Rene had an appointment at 2 and I was scheduled for my Nuelasta shot was at 3:45. We drove through rush hour traffic to get up to the Cancer Center in Encinitas. The drive sucked because we had the day off and still had to go through that monstrosity of Friday commute. They gave me the shot, in the back of my upper arm! ouch! Then Rene took me to one of my favorite pizza joints Oggi's. Two hours after my shot i was overwhelmed with nausea, i clocked out around 6:30.

Day three has been the worse. After sleeping for 14 hours I woke up feeling lousy. Rene and I walked down to the store to get some water. The walk back up the hill was another lesson in trying to do too much too soon. After half an egg and a short trip to the bank i was ready for more sleep. The Nuelasta is a drug that boost the production of white blood cells, and this happens in the bone marrow. So most of the flat bones in my body ache; my hips and shoulders are very sore. I am so weak that i can barely hold mself up. I did get a call from the massage school and they asked if i could come in for a massage around three thirty today, it could have come at a better time. Im signing off for today.

7) First Day of Chemo

Well today was day one of my attack on Bob...

The center where I'm getting treatment is like a day spa, and as you all know me, aesthetics are everything. My nurse, Rachel, was so great! She reminded me of Molly Shannon from SNL. She giggled and was silly but very compassionate and helpful at the same time. I truly ended up in the right place. If it weren't for my mom's persistence in finding me a new doctor, I never would have known that cancer treatment could be this cool! Rene even got a 20 minute massage. They have a grant that pays for massages for patients and their caregivers. Is that cool or what? We got to pick out our seats and we were in these totally cool, modern recliners (not the barc-o-lounger variety). I had my shall/scarf that mom gave me for Christmas wrapped around me for mom comfort and Rene set me up with a heating pad and a pillow. I was all snuggled up. I'm thinking I want to get a teddy bear or something soft (a Frida replacement-since I can't bring her) to hold with me during treatments - is that childish?

The smartest thing I did was get the port installed in my chest. It's still a little sore since I only got it on Monday, but they put the needle in and I didn't feel a thing the rest of the day. By next time it should be all healed up so it won't hurt as bad. Its pretty trippy though to watch them take blood from your chest.

Okay, so I'm sure you're all wondering how I'm feeling...To tell the truth, this is a walk in the park compared to what I was prepared for. Mom says, "Expect the best, prepare for the best." They gave my a benadryl for any allergy I might have to any of the meds and they also gave me anti-nausea medicine. Both of these combined made it impossible to compete against a sober person in a game of Scrabble. Right now (over 4 hours after treatment) I think most of the discomfort I'm feeling is due to coming off of those woo-woo meds. I'm just kind of tired but can't sleep. I'm supposed to take this anti-nausea medicine at 8 tonight to ward off anything during the night and then I have other meds to take throughout the day tomorrow and the next day if I need them.

Tomorrow I go back to have a Nuelasta shot, which helps boost my white blood count so I'm not susceptible to infection. That med is supposed to make my bones ache as its causing my bone marrow to kick into high gear. I guess I can chalk tomorrow night up to a Friday night at home :)

Thank you to everyone for all your words of encouragement and you phone calls. I heard a good analogy today that seemed to fit really well for how I'm "dealing" with this. I'm like a duck...On top of the water I look fine, just cruising along but under the water my little feet are madly paddling. I do feel strong, especially with the great people I have in my life but I'm going to be honest - this isn't easy. This is the hardest thing I've ever done. I wonder sometimes if its all hit me yet.

Mom and Holly (my darling sister for those of you that don't know) are coming down for my next treatment on Jan. 28. I'm so excited to see them and have them there with me. I know it will ease there minds when they see the kind of place I'm getting treatment from.

6) Bob Update

Sorry it's been so long but I've actually been so busy lately. Here is the latest update of my quest for a Bob-free me!

When I last left off I had taken my last CT scan. I was scheduled for an EKG the next day and a pulmonary function test which proved that both my heart and lungs are optimal shape for my height, weight, age, and sex. Good start!

Thursday last week, Rene and I went to "chemo class" with the head nurse at our clinic. It was very informative. We learned how to read my entire blood work report and what to look for in the numbers and which drugs help which deficiencies. She also gave us an entire binder full of a report on the exact drugs and dosages that I will be having with print outs of info packets on each drug. The binder also had my latest blood work and room to add all my reports from before and from now on. She also taught us when my weak and strong days would most likely be and how to schedule my life around those days. I enjoyed meeting fellow cancer folks and I left there with a renewed sense of confidence.

Saturday night Rene wanted to take me out for my "last, big hurrah" before chemo starts. We went out to dinner with a couple of friends and stayed up late talking. It was a really fun night; although we paid for it the next day.

Sunday , Step 1, I got all my haircut off in anticipation of hair loss from the chemo. It's a totally cute style. I was a little nervous about it but I'm so happy with the results.

Today, Step 2, I had a port-a-cath installed in my shoulder. They knocked me out with some fancy sleeping agent and it was a really painless experience. I'm a little sore now but nothing like my surgery had been.

Tomorrow we have an appointment with my oncologist to go over all the final details and I should be starting chemo on Thursday. I'll try to update this tomorrow after meeting with the doctor.

5) I have a new doctor!!

Rene and I went to meet my new doctor this morning and it was awesome!! He was compassionate, warm, funny, and didn't show one bit of doctor pretention.

He told a much lighter tale of my Hodgkin's as well. He agreed that it looks like I am a stage 2 but thought that I was barely a B rating (which is awesome because that suggests that maybe this thing isn't raging throughout my body). He wanted me to have another CT scan (this time on my abdomin & pelvis) just to confirm but was very confident that we wouldn't find anything. The best part is that he didn't see a need for another bone marrow aspiration! Woo-hoo! He also thought that I have probably had this for about a year, which would indicate that it is pretty slow moving. Good thing since it will be a month after diagnosis when I finally start treatment.

So, here's where we're at...I am going to have a combined treatment of chemo and radiation. I will have 4 cycles of ABVD chemo (1 cycle is 2 treatments over 4 weeks) and that will be followed up by radiation (don't know the particulars of that yet). If all goes well, I will be starting my chemo next thursday the 13th. 13 is a strange number for me. My wedding anniversary is the 13th, I was diagnosed on my brother's birthday (the 13th), and now I'll be starting my treatment on the 13th. hmmm....

Before starting my chemo there are more tests that have to be done. I had the CT scan today and had to drink about 32oz. of the grosest carbinated orange juice milkshake stuff - blah. Then they injected me with this crazy stuff that makes you all hot and taste metal (the first CT scan had that too but not the drink). I have an EKG tomorrow followed by a pulmanary test since the first two drugs of my ABVD chemo can damage your heart and your lungs.

Rene and I go to "chemo class" on thursday afternoon to learn all about chemo and what to expect. That should be interesting.

I'm feeling very confident about my new doctor and the treatment I'm going to receive!

Thanks to all of you for your kind words of encouragement! That really helps!!

4) What Cancer Cannot Do

Cancer is so limited....

It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot destroy peace,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot suppress memories,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot invade the soul,
It cannot steal eternal life,
It cannot conquer the Spirit!

--Author Unknown

3) Description of Bob...

Here is a link to a website I found to be very informative about diagnosis and the different treatments for my Hodgkin's. The subtype I have been diagnosed with is Nodular Sclorosis.
Lymphoma Information Network - Adult Hodgkin's Disease

2) Happy New Year!

Well, here we are in 2005. I hope everyone had a safe and meaningful new year's celebration. I had a wonderful new year's with Rene and a few close friends at our house.

The last day of the year was emotionally a little hard for me. I couldn't really seem to get off the rollercoaster all day. But by evening time, Rene had started Club Silva, complete with disco ball and dance music, and I was feeling much better. He has such an awesome ability to make me smile!

Tomorrow is our appointment with the new oncologist (Dr. Mark Adler, San Diego Cancer Center). I don't think I've ever been so excited to go to the doctor! I'm hoping that all goes well with him and I'm starting treatment ASAP!! The longer I wait, the stronger Bob is getting and that just CANNOT happen!! I'll let you all know what happens.